I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
