I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
