I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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