Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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