I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
