what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
