that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
where does the pee come out of this thing
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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