I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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