you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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