a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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