My first STD was from a foam party
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
