and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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