Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
