I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
