that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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