I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
