Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
