Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
