Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
