just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your penis caused this!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
