Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
