can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
