not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You ate ashes out of my bong
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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