this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
