I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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