I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
