he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
