Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
