Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
