I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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