this beer tastes like vomit already
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
