i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
only you would photoshop your dick
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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