hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
