I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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