Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
