please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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