Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
