I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
