My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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