I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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