I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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