I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
