will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
