like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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