I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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