I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
