The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
