On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
