my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
