I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
