there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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