I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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