I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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